Monday Interview Series: Sherlock Holmes

Greg:  Good evening. It is a singular honor to be speaking with this week’s guest. He has solved some of the most baffling cases in history, always through outstanding feats of intellect and deduction. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Mr. Sherlock Holmes. Welcome Mr. Holmes.

Holmes:  Thank you.

Greg:  Tell me a little about your early life.

Holmes:  I don’t like to talk much about myself. It could give my enemies valuable information with which to do me injury. However, since I am retired and most of my enemies are jailed or dead, I shall indulge you just this once, although I shan’t go into too many specifics.

I was born in England in 1861. My ancestors were country squires, but the thought of lounging around on an estate all day never held much appeal for me. So, after sitting two years at Cambridge, I left school in 1880 to fight in the Second Anglo-Afghan war, where I was wounded.

Upon my return from the war, I decided to apply my immense powers of reason and my ability to disguise myself to use as a consulting detective. I had always had a talent in this line. In fact, it was while at university that I had first used my powers of deduction to solve a number of trifling cases that had been puzzling the local constabulary.

Greg:  How did you meet Dr. Watson?

Holmes:  As I said, I had been working as a consulting detective in London, but times were hard. Financial difficulties required that I advertise for a boarder. Dr. Watson turned up on my doorstep the day after I posted the ad in the Times. Wonderful bit of serendipity, that.

He and I lived and worked together for a number of years, quite successfully, until he decided to get married. After his wife’s untimely death, Watson returned, and I was happy to receive him. He has chronicled all of my most formidable cases.

Greg:  You’ve got a reputation as quite a clever fellow. It’s said that you can deduce anything about someone just by looking at them.

Holmes:  Quite.

Greg:  What can you deduce by looking at me?

 

Holmes:  That you love muffins, and that you have been through quite a lot to obtain one.

Greg:  How do you mean?

Holmes:  I mean that you set out for the bakery in your automobile, but ran out of petrol on the way. You found that your cellular phone was dead, so you hiked to the nearest telephone, and rang the automobile club. You were picked up and transported back to your car, where you refilled the tank. You then purchased a muffin and a medium cup of coffee for yourself and the driver as a thank you.

Greg:  That’s remarkable Holmes! It’s almost like you were there with me through the whole ordeal. How did you deduce it?

Holmes:  Elementary. First, the crumbs on your shirt, and your slightly portly physique pointed to an overindulgence in sweets. Next, the mud and drops of petrol on your shoes were indications that you recently journeyed on foot and had filled your petrol tank. Behind you, I see that your cellular telephone is being recharged, which lead me to believe that you were unable to use it to telephone for help.

Greg:  Incredible, Holmes. But how were you able to sort out the bit about the automobile club and that I had bought the driver a treat?

Holmes:  Quite simple, really. On the table at your elbow lie your automobile club card and a receipt from a bakery. The receipt shows that you purchased two muffins and two medium coffees.

Now, while it is entirely possible that you  purchased two muffins for yourself, I do not think that even you would have purchased two coffees for yourself alone.

So you see it was really quite an obvious deduction. All one has to do is observe the clues.

Greg:  You’ve solved a great number of cases over the years. Which has been the most satisfying?

Holmes:  My cases have involved many lofty, even royal, personages throughout the years. While these have carried a certain amount of satisfaction, I find that I am most satisfied when dealing in cases involving the common man, for it is there that we see both the worst and the best that humanity has to offer.

Greg:  Well thank you so much for spending some time with us. It was most enlightening.

Holmes:  Yes, I am sure it was.