Between the Lines: Rumpelstiltskin

On a recommendation from the Brothers Grimm, I was able to secure an interview with the reclusive and very secretive gold spinning gnome, Rumpelstiltskin. Even though the Grimms story has given him a huge amount of notoriety, he still shuns the limelight. Let's find out what interesting tidbits of information he can give us.

Greg:  Well, well, it certainly is a pleasure to have the world famous Rump--

Rumpelstiltskin:  No! Don't you say it! I'll not have you blabbin' my name all over the place! My name's my name and there's no one but me's goin' to use it!

Greg:  Well, I think it's a little late for that now, don't you? I mean, just about everyone has read your story. They all know your name is Rum--

Rumpelstiltskin:  Tut, tut. No sir! Don't you say it. I don't care if they do know it. It's the principal of the thing, you know! I'll not have my name spoken while I'm around if I can help it.

Greg:  Okay, okay. Sorry. I won't mention it, I promise. So what are you up to these days?

Rumpelstiltskin:  Well, not singing, that's for sure. The last time, I lost my chance at the queen's son, and a whole kingdom.

Greg;  Yes, that was unfortunate for you, although most readers weren't too upset by it to be honest with you.

Rumpelstiltskin:  The public don't have no sympathy. They see a beautiful princess and an old gnome, so of course they're gonna side with her. No one tries to see poor old Rumpel...er, um, my point of view. The world don't understand. We had an agreement, a bindin' contract, and she didn't play fair. She went and spied on me. 

And look at the girl's father. What kind of parent is he, I ask you? He tells the king "Oh yeah, she can spin straw into gold, yeah right, no problem!" What kind of father does that to his daughter? I'll tell you what kind. A greedy one that's what. He out to have been drummed out of the Fraternal Order of Fathers if you ask me.

Greg:  You may have a point there.

Rumpelstiltskin:  A point?! I think I have more than a point! If it wasn't for me, she would have been thrown in the dungeon after the first night. I was doin' her a favor. No one sees it my way. Oh it makes me mad!

Greg:  But surely you've been able to rise above that setback after all this time. What are you up to these days?

Rumpelstiltskin:  Well, I saw the error of my ways, obviously. I realized I'd been barkin' up the wrong tree. Straw is right out. I don't work in straw any more. I turned to paper. I turned a lot of paper into gold. For example, I turned stocks into gold in the late 1920's. Stocks they called 'em. I turned a lot of stocks into gold for people.

Greg:  Yeah, that was great, but the stock market crashed in 1929.

Rumpelstiltskin:  Well, the effect was only temporary. Paper don't stay gold long. Then, I turned real estate into gold a decade ago. That didn't take, either. A couple of years ago, that turned to junk. Things haven't been the same since, some folks say.

Greg:  Anything else?

Rumpelstiltskin:  Well, there's oil. I did a great job with that. It turns to gold pretty easily, but it's not stable. It keeps tryin' to change back to just a bunch of grease, but it won't.

Greg:  Why, is it because they made a bargain with you that hasn't been broken?

Rumpelstiltskin:  No, it's not my deal. They made a deal with someone else on that, but I don't go in for that kind of stuff. I don't like the heat.

Greg:  Well, uh, yes. Thank you for your time, Rum...er, Mr. R. It really has been quite enlightening.

Rumpelstiltskin:  Not at all, not at all. Actually, I'm thinkin' about gettin' back into my old line of work. I hear there's a princess over in England. She had a child recently. Do you think she'd be interested in three rooms full of gold straw?